NOBODY TO BLAME April 15, 2008
Posted by arun in life, personal, thoughts.Tags: bliss, Confusion, end, lost, meaning, restlessness, weird
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Maladjusted, confused and incapacitated, on a rainy day and a lugubrious weather, with an espresso on one hand, and a bunch of songs playing from my iPod connected to my laptop, couldn’t help but set out to spit out my vague and strewn thoughts as vaguely as possible. Suddenly, every song you have heard all day seems to have a profound implication, an enormous benthic sense. You try not to linger on this one particular thought but you cant stop. At times, you don’t know what you are thinking about. And at times, you don’t even know you are thinking about something and a friend wakes you from the momentary solitary disposition. Your heart is perturbing. You think you might be satisfied if you could rationalize the happenings and try to put the blame on someone, even if it is you. At least then, you can find peace. You want to put an end, but damn, there is no one to blame. It is not exactly anyone’s fault why what’s happening is happening. You knew what you were getting into. You yielded into temptation. There is no easy way out. You smile for no reason when you are in a bus, you realize what you are doing and then laugh at yourself for being so lost. Sometimes even curse yourself for being so gullible and vulnerable.
All this balderdash for what? Remembering the Auld Lang Syne? Or an outcome of your unstable and errant thought-process? You think you were in control of everything, that you handle the balance of the syncretism of your emotional and rational/logical decision making skills efficiently. And therefore, you expect a state of eclat, a feel of ebullience as always. You think you can handle yourself with the aplomb of the capable man you thought you were. But, you never knew when melancholy struck you, let you get lost in the midst of stygian caves. And then all you do is totter and totter and totter. Even the slightest susurrus tempts you, your eyes reflect pain, affection and helplessness all at the same instant. You are the anomaly in the equation and its not going to work, it will never, its not logical.
Do you accept the choice?? Would you let it go?? As of me, I don’t want to answer it. I am afraid I may not like the answer. Not now. So much for my tomfoolery, I winced owing to restlessness… And then, out of no where, there was absolute silence, a feeling as light as a feather, that I hoped and longed for…
there were no thoughts, no confusion…. and there she was!! What do I do?
I should have known my moiety by now.
Awesome blog. I am very happy to read this, as I have learnt many new things out of it. But my suggestion is, Arun could have tried to make it in a quite simple terms.
But the feel is good. Realistic. Energetic. Great.
This one speaks right to my heart, Arun! Well said… I feel confused when I try to think of what I would have done… like you, I’d not like the answer…
http://mirrorcracked.wordpress.com
can someone get me a dictionary plss???…
..
cool post dude!!!
I dint know my posts influence others this much! I rant something, u read read it & VOILA u throw up ur thoughts…. Glad to know that my English teacher inspires me (for English) and I inspire my English teacher for more English (read thoughts/posts)…….
Good one Arun…. seems u were listening to the storms in my head when u were penning this one….
@sam, actually, I checked your post after writing this (unpublished). thank you!!
but, thank you!
@nitin, thks dude, yeah, you should get yourself one!!
@yaake, thank you. I am glad you liked it. That much confusion!!
@Ramesh, thanks machi, I am btw nixing aside your suggestion
lol i should join sophomore classes :p
“You smile for no reason when you are in a bus, you realize what you are doing and then laugh at yourself for being so lost.” this one really gets me, sometime things happen, emotions ooze out in a spur but you don’t know was it something happened in near past or far past unknown to you but not to your subconscious mind.
PS: please delete my first post
and the point of this post is? come again?!
you’re venting out like crazy.. you’re on a thoughts-overdrive.. join the club! =)
and also.. relax! breathe! =) whatever is bothering you, if it brings you sadness, then let it go.. its just NOT worth it!
alright, ’nuff said! i’m no preacher! =D
Hi Gayatri, Thanks for the comments =) I know it was a weird post, couldn’t help it. :back to normal now:
=)
Dude, no offence, but this post reminded me of vivek’s ‘Cosmic energy coupled with atomic energy…. with a program in java’
i just landed here after reading this funny post, was very much under that post’s influence, so every time i tried to focus on the post i burst into laughter(ah… what an insensitive clod i am).
^ ^
no issues dude.. anything that makes you laugh! 
My first time here. Thru Nikhil’s blog. I guess I can write GRE-TOEFL if I read all your posts. Is that a superb vocab or wat.
nice blog in here. I see this post dates April 2008. Pls do write something fresh. It’s good to read such blogs.
I like the choice of words they are apt~ and make the situation more picturesque than the experience. I can connect to the experience and to the feeling. I like the way you have described an empty feeling that affects far more deeper than ever…
“Do you accept the choice?? Would you let it go?? As of me, I don’t want to answer it. I am afraid I may not like the answer. Not now..” – well said.. and so true..
i see you havent blogged for a while.
Words are all I had got then,
Words are all I have got now!
thank you.
okay, no more updates after april? why?
have u heard Gnarles Barkley’s “Crazy” song? its on utube!
hi, thank you! I will check out the song. I should be writing in sometime. Thanks again for visiting.
and yes, another friend of mine recommended the same song a while back
smart blog. a good play of words and looks like the words badly needed an outburst while music helped it flow..